Right now, somewhere in the world, a baby is born. It will soon forget that moment forever. It is safe in its mother's arms, a place where no one could hurt it. It will be brought home, where its room is waiting for it and it will learn. Learn how to live. Learn to fear. The dark, the monsters, things that are supernatural. It will grow up and meet other human beings. It will love them or fear them. It will start to feel loved or else, lonely. It will be judged. It will crave for people's presence. It will cry when they leave. It will want people to be there. It will be influenced by them. It will want to be just like them. It will start liking the same things as them. It will be attached to them. It will lose them. It will be laughed at. It will be talked about. It will be marooned. It will fall in love. It will suffer. It will not know what to do about it. It will go for it. It will be happy. Then it will be deceived. It will believe in promises that will be broken. It will have less and less friends. If it can call those people, friends. It will feel lonely, again. And again. It will doubt its own abilities. It will therefore fail. It will listen to music to feel better. It will eventually get better. It will be disappointed, again. It will feel lonely, again. It will have trouble finding that magic in music. It will find another passion. But it will be back to square one. It will have suicidal thoughts. It will lose faith in the world. Even worse, it will lose faith in itself. It will then scorn others. It will be mean to protect itself. It will bring people down just to feel better about itself. It will break hearts. It will screw them over. It will want revenge. It will get it. It will make promises that it will not keep. It will have its parents's opinions. It will judge people without even getting to know them. It will learn to despise some groups of people because of their origin or their religion. Or their sexuality. It will make mean comments to hurt people after they hurt it. It will learn to hate and upset people rather than appreciate what is good in them. It will find a scapegoat with its so-called friends because they are more powerful together. That will trigger a suicide. A whole family that is going to be devastated. It will be punished but will go on. It will not learn from its mistakes. Because it has learnt that being cruel is the only way of being powerful. It will sure as hell not show its feelings. These are for the weak. It will make people hate it and it will not be bothered by that because it will be too pleased with itself to care. It will be selfish. It will only care about itself. And the more hearts it will break, the better.

Right now, somewhere in the world, a monster is born.

Christmas is coming soon, which means my family is going to be reunited. While I'm glad I still have a family and have nothing to complain about, I hate the way they treat each other. It starts within my family. My mom is sick and tired as fuck when she comes home every night and she cooks dinner for all of us. Instead of being happy she made the effort to feed us, my dad often complains about the food. It just bums me out so much that someone trying to be nice gets so much hate. Same for my grandma: she was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's along with her diabetes. She spends her life complaining about the pain and is convinced that no one can suffer as much as she does. It's unbearable once you hear it for 30 minutes twice a day, sure. But she's 78 and lost her husband five years ago and her son died when he was 20. She's a lonely woman and if complaining is what makes her 'happy', then let her do it. On a larger scale, the members of my family can't stand each other and they spend their time criticizing each other and once they see each other, they're like best buds.

What bothers me here is people stopping other people from being happy only because what makes others happy doesn't make themselves happy. Life is full of compromises. Sure, you gotta be selfish, but it doesn't have to mean that you're gonna spit on other people's happiness. I know I tend to be too nice but that's only because I see how gleeful it makes other people. I've always tried to make my parents proud, not because "I'm the perfect child" but because they deserve to see that they've done a good job. I've always gotten excellent grades and worked twice harder when my grades weren't that high. I was unhappy for a long time, I had no friends as I was 'the nerd' but I hid that from them. Having an unhappy child is something I'd wish to nobody. I'd rather spend my life trying to make everyone feel better than be happy on my own. It doesn't mean I won't enjoy things that only matter to me. I just know how frustrating it is to be nice and get nothing in return. I don't wish that on anybody. Life is short and in a blink of an eye, the loved ones are gone. I'm not saying you have to tell them you love them because it's something I'm incapable of doing. I'm just saying that people should really, really enjoy the time spent with the people they care about before it's too late. Be happy but take some time to make others happy as well. Your caring about people will help more than you will ever know.

So make the best of this test and don't ask why.

If I could go back in time and tell my 14-year-old self what she has become, I would have made her so proud.

I'm no longer the person I used to be. Little Morgane was losing faith in people as she grew up. How could she trust somebody when all everybody did was betray her? I cried myself to sleep every single night. I let the bad stuff take over my life. I let the thoughts of killing myself haunt me every time I crossed a street. Every time I was taking medicine. Every time I had a knife in my hand. It wasn't pleasant to hang out with me or to be a family member of mine at that time. I was living in the past, regretting not being a part of it anymore. I blamed my problems on the world. I thought I was better than these people because all they did was smile and be happy. How could they? I knew what life was like, I knew my breath wasn't worth taking. The crisis, the people getting worse and worse, the hypocrites, my so-called friends. Everything let me believe that I had a perfect right to be a pessimist who never smiled. Boys broke my heart. Friends broke my heart. I broke a lot of hearts too. It was all because of life. And then, I struggled to cope with it. I wanted to be anyone but myself. How stupid.

I will never thank music enough for letting me become who I am today. Music was the reason why I got sick of people around me. It is now the reason why I am glad to be alive. Sure, we all have our problems and it sucks, but I never forget that someone somewhere is going through much more pain than I am. I try to focus on the good things in my life. Instead of wishing I lived in the past, I am thankful for having that kind of memories to remember. That, I wouldn't trade for the world. This is my life that goes through my head so many times at night and it's that life that I've had the chance to live. I know suicide is useless because I am positive that there are going to be so many moments I sure as hell don't want to miss.

It bums me out so much that I cannot help people who are like I used to be. People can't be convinced by words. That speech is useless to everyone but me. Letting yourself be happy isn't an easy thing to do. I think it has taken me around ten years to figure out where to find it. It wasn't that far away. Everyone is happy. Being home with your family, hanging out with your friends, learning something new, eating, getting to hug someone, hearing somebody call your name, that's happiness! It is there, every day. It's not easy to see because there are so many problems which come along. But if darkness didn't exist, would we be able to see the light? I am thankful for the bad times because they make the good times so much more enjoyable and worth the pain.

I like you just the way you aren't and you like me just the way I'm not.

Communication isn't easy. You always expect people to react as you would. You always expect people to follow the conversation you were having in your own head. You always expect. This is the main problem. When people are different than you, and believe me - they are, you blame them for it. What did you expect? Did you really and sincerely think that everyone is like you? That everyone has the same fears, the same passions, the same dreams? We're all chasing something else. We're all leading our life the way we want to.

Expectations can break relationships, they can ruin them. When someone we love doesn't give us what we expected them to, we end up disappointed. But why blame them? You're the only one who was imagining things. Don't hold them responsible for what they haven't even caused. Stop expecting. Start appreciating people for who they are, not who you want them to be.

We are silly to actually think that our opinion matters. Everything we say only matters to us. Have you ever listened to a conversation between two people? The two of them never listen to each other, they just wait for the moment when the other will shut up to say something about themselves. How many wasted conversations have people had in this world? Way too many. And when you listen to a debate, do they reach an agreement? No, everyone just keeps their point of view and the debate was useless. Listening to the others can only influence you and it's usually a bad influence.
This is why I'm telling you goodbye, my friends. My thoughts have been shared on this blog but I don't think they matter to anyone but me. So, I might as well start to write for myself. And this makes me happy.

But I'm still here.