So make the best of this test and don't ask why.

If I could go back in time and tell my 14-year-old self what she has become, I would have made her so proud.

I'm no longer the person I used to be. Little Morgane was losing faith in people as she grew up. How could she trust somebody when all everybody did was betray her? I cried myself to sleep every single night. I let the bad stuff take over my life. I let the thoughts of killing myself haunt me every time I crossed a street. Every time I was taking medicine. Every time I had a knife in my hand. It wasn't pleasant to hang out with me or to be a family member of mine at that time. I was living in the past, regretting not being a part of it anymore. I blamed my problems on the world. I thought I was better than these people because all they did was smile and be happy. How could they? I knew what life was like, I knew my breath wasn't worth taking. The crisis, the people getting worse and worse, the hypocrites, my so-called friends. Everything let me believe that I had a perfect right to be a pessimist who never smiled. Boys broke my heart. Friends broke my heart. I broke a lot of hearts too. It was all because of life. And then, I struggled to cope with it. I wanted to be anyone but myself. How stupid.

I will never thank music enough for letting me become who I am today. Music was the reason why I got sick of people around me. It is now the reason why I am glad to be alive. Sure, we all have our problems and it sucks, but I never forget that someone somewhere is going through much more pain than I am. I try to focus on the good things in my life. Instead of wishing I lived in the past, I am thankful for having that kind of memories to remember. That, I wouldn't trade for the world. This is my life that goes through my head so many times at night and it's that life that I've had the chance to live. I know suicide is useless because I am positive that there are going to be so many moments I sure as hell don't want to miss.

It bums me out so much that I cannot help people who are like I used to be. People can't be convinced by words. That speech is useless to everyone but me. Letting yourself be happy isn't an easy thing to do. I think it has taken me around ten years to figure out where to find it. It wasn't that far away. Everyone is happy. Being home with your family, hanging out with your friends, learning something new, eating, getting to hug someone, hearing somebody call your name, that's happiness! It is there, every day. It's not easy to see because there are so many problems which come along. But if darkness didn't exist, would we be able to see the light? I am thankful for the bad times because they make the good times so much more enjoyable and worth the pain.

I like you just the way you aren't and you like me just the way I'm not.

Communication isn't easy. You always expect people to react as you would. You always expect people to follow the conversation you were having in your own head. You always expect. This is the main problem. When people are different than you, and believe me - they are, you blame them for it. What did you expect? Did you really and sincerely think that everyone is like you? That everyone has the same fears, the same passions, the same dreams? We're all chasing something else. We're all leading our life the way we want to.

Expectations can break relationships, they can ruin them. When someone we love doesn't give us what we expected them to, we end up disappointed. But why blame them? You're the only one who was imagining things. Don't hold them responsible for what they haven't even caused. Stop expecting. Start appreciating people for who they are, not who you want them to be.

We are silly to actually think that our opinion matters. Everything we say only matters to us. Have you ever listened to a conversation between two people? The two of them never listen to each other, they just wait for the moment when the other will shut up to say something about themselves. How many wasted conversations have people had in this world? Way too many. And when you listen to a debate, do they reach an agreement? No, everyone just keeps their point of view and the debate was useless. Listening to the others can only influence you and it's usually a bad influence.
This is why I'm telling you goodbye, my friends. My thoughts have been shared on this blog but I don't think they matter to anyone but me. So, I might as well start to write for myself. And this makes me happy.

But I'm still here.

To all these lives that need to be saved.

To all these sick people who need to be reassured.

To all these souls that didn't ask for it.

To all these families who have been through the pain.

To all these people who have to fight without complaining.

To all these lives that have already been taken.

"T'as une serviette ?" - "Non, généralement je prends ma douche chez moi"

A few days ago, I read something I had written when I was younger. While reading those words, I thought 'Oh man, I had completely forgotten about that!' What a shame! That's when I decided that I need to write about every little emotion, every memory that is worth being remembered.

During the whole year, there is one day I didn't want to miss and it happened today. In 100 days exactly, we will take our final exams and then we'll leave high school forever. So, as the tradition has it, we had to get well-dressed, which is something I love even though I can't leave my Green Day shirts and my skinny jeans. I had to shave my eyebrows and my legs but it was all worth it! Today for the first time, I've been told that I am beautiful. That's something amazing. You don't even know how to answer this. I have also told every guy I met how gorgeous he looks in his clothes. So, today was a very productive day - we didn't do anything, pretty much.

The two girls you see next to me up there are the only two friends I had when I arrived at this school. They've always been there through the happiest and hardest times and I know that I have never thanked them enough for that. I know that the first year here has been a struggle, a real one. The second year was better and it changed my pessimistic self into a better person. This third year has been alright. I truly feel loved here. And yeah, I'm gonna miss this place. It's something I've only been realising this year and it bums me out that it took so much time. I'm still the same person I used to be when I arrived here. I still love and hate the same things and I have not turned into a bitch but I've learnt how to appreciate the little things and how to smile.